Birth Stories
My birth experience with my Doula
Why I chose to have a Doula
I first heard about Doula’s from the television and my first impression was “that’s nice but don’t these people have family or friends who can help them?” Some years later and pregnant with my second child I came across Fay’s leaflet at the library and found myself reading the details with interest. I emailed Fay 3.5 months into my pregnancy after suffering severe sickness and feeling really depressed about things and I just wanted someone to talk to. A family member would not have helped because you can’t always share your innermost thoughts with them. In the main my issue was a feeling of being disconnected from the child I was carrying. I am sure most if not all women who are expecting their second child worry about having enough love for two children but for me it was more than that. I had an extremely difficult first pregnancy and nearly lost the baby on a number of occasions. Because of this I was extremely protective of my son during very early on. Whilst I was suffering severe sickness with this pregnancy, it was not in danger and so for me the protection instinct wasn’t so strong. On top of this I was told that medically it was unlikely that I would have more children so it was a surprise to discover 3.5 years after my son was born that I was expecting a second. Most people would be over the moon at the prospect of a second child after being told that it was unlikely to happen but for me I had focussed on all of the benefits of having one child as I never believed that I would have more. It wasn’t that I didn’t want another one but I just didn’t feel I could love the same and was finding pregnancy really tough to deal with. I obviously wanted the baby but worried about bonding and suffering post natal depression. It’s not easy to talk to family or friends about feelings of uncertainty during pregnancy so Fay’s support was so valuable to me at that time.
Preparing for the birth
After meeting Fay I knew I had made a good decision. She was reassuring and supportive to both me and my partner. We talked through my previous birth experience and my fears for the birth. We talked about how my partner felt during the birth of our son and what role he wanted to play in my birth experience this time. We talked about breastfeeding which did not happen with my son due to problems during his birth and my confidence at the time. Yet again I was worried about the prospect of not being able to bond with the baby but on the other hand I was also worried about not treating both children the same. I would not have breastfed this time around if it wasn’t for Fay. Fay also introduced me to hypno birthing techniques through a CD which I was really sceptical about at first but actually worked to give me a really positive birth experience. Fay was also at the end of the phone at any time throughout the pregnancy. Whilst I have friends and family, I am a fairly self sufficient character and because of this I am always reluctant to ask for favours. I am the friend that does, not requests. Having Fay meant that I wasn’t reluctant to bother her. Friends and family can help you prepare for birth but they don’t have the experience that I doula has so cannot support you in the same way.
Baby Ella Grace Rose born 31st May 2010
The birth
On the days leading up to the birth I contacted Fay on a regular basis with updates. I went into labour 5 days late feeling ready to face it. Having been induced previously due to preeclampsia I wasn’t actually sure what the start of labour felt like. I don’t really know when my Braxton Hicks transferred to true labour and I genuinely believe this was because I was able to remain calm thanks to my birth preparation. In the early hours my partner called Fay and she came to the house where we prepared to go to hospital. It was reassuring to me to have someone with us who knew the hospital procedures and who could help my partner keep calm. It felt nice to know that there was someone there for him so that he could be there for me without being too stressed. After being at the hospital for less than 3 hours my beautiful baby girl Ella Grace Rose was born. Fay was there the whole time and really helped me control my breathing which resulted in a really positive birth experience. Shortly after delivery Ella attached to the breast successfully and was able to feed. For those that worry about sharing the intimacy of birth with a stranger I can only say firstly a doula is not a stranger. By the time I gave birth, both I and my partner had built a strong relationship with Fay. Secondly, a doula is not a physically intimate role - they are there for emotional and/or practical support. My partner certainly felt the benefit of this support which cannot be given by hospital staff in the same way as they are unable to provide dedicated support to an individual.
At home
Once at home Fay continued to provide me with support on breastfeeding and was able to provide practical support in just coming to sit with the children in the mornings for an hour while I had a bath. This may not sound like much but there aren’t many new mums that can sit for an hour in the bath without being disturbed. My partner took his paternity leave in long weekends rather than two full weeks so it was really nice to have someone there. Also talking through the birth experience is a really nice thing to do. It’s a good memory for me which is in contrast to my first birth. As a mum to a second child, the midwife support is less because they think you know what you’re doing. It is of course there if you need it but having a Doula meant that there was someone there who gave me that extra little bit of attention as a new mum and made me feel special. I did bond with my beautiful daughter but did still feel vulnerable after the birth and it was nice to have someone checking on me to see if I was ok. The only downside I can think of by having a Doula is saying goodbye. Fay has to go on to help other women and she has her own family to look after but I do hope that we don’t lose touch and that I have made a friend. I will certainly tell my daughter about the special person that was there on her journey into the world.
Thank you Fay x
Birth story of Aran George
Born on Monday 17th August 09 at 7.46am
40 weeks and 3 days
It all began at 4.45 am. I was woken by a sensation that I can only describe as being hit by a bolt of lightning! I didn’t feel that I was in labour, I felt that Aran had got himself in a good position ready for birth. I calmly got out of bed and started to fill the bath. (After several weeks of using my birthing pool I had discovered a quick and easy way of filling the pool, it involved filling the bath and pumping the water directly into the pool. It was also a perfect way of gauging the temp)
While the pool was filling I woke up my husband (Don) to help me with the tens machine, after which he went back to sleep! I then phoned our Doula, Fay, followed by the midwife, although I wasn’t experiencing any contractions I felt I needed to know how things were progressing. (Something that I deeply regret now)
As my previous labour only took 43mins, it was agreed to send a midwife out to me.
By the time the midwife arrived the pool was filled and at a perfect temperature, I had my aroma bowl burning lavender and relaxing birth music was playing softly in the background.
I went upstairs to get the birthing pack down. Don was still in bed and was wondering who was knocking the door, when I told him it was the midwife he just replied, why???? Followed by oh ok, I better get up then!
Everything was going fine until the VE, it was so painful and I was sure she had broken my waters, and it was after this that my contractions started…
The midwife never confirmed that this had happened as she was far too interested in examining the brownish fluid on the bed pad. She announced (in a panicked voice) that it was meconium, adding that there was loads of it, and that she needed to call an ambulance and transfer me straight away.
I was completely devastated by the news but was still able to remain calm. I told her that I needed to speak to my doula and husband first.
Fay arrived at that point and asked that I should be given time to think. (once that it has been established that the baby was showing no signs of distress) I just wanted her to tell me what to do and all she said was she would support me whatever I decide. Fay asked the midwife to explain to me the reason why she was recommending transfer, and what the worries were should I decide to stay home. (I just wanted to stay at home and get into my pool!). I felt really frustrated as the baby wasn’t showing any signs of distress, but the midwife still wanted me to go to hospital. I made the decision… to be transferred. Although i felt that I had very little choice in the matter really, I felt so numb and full of fear for my baby. What would happen if my baby went into distress? or had MAS (where the baby can have breathing problems after delivery because the meconium has blocked their airways). Fay then asked the midwife if the ambulance was necessary, and she said no, it was ok to travel by car, so she cancelled the ambulance and I went to tell Don what was going on. When I told Don his reaction was “oh no” (he was shaving his head at the time, oblivious to the drama going on in the living room!) He hadn’t showed a great of deal support or had any involvement in the birth plan (one of the reasons I had booked a doula) but the tone in his response confirmed to me that he was actually looking forward to having the baby at home. The midwife agreed that if the birth went well, and baby was fine I could come back home as soon as I was ready, so reluctantly, with the contractions getting stronger and stronger we prepared to go to the hospital, which was only 5 minutes away.
Adrianna (oldest daughter) has just woken up. Chad (oldest son) and Grace (youngest daughter) were still asleep in bed. Don phoned his sister in law to come over and stay with the children, we left before she arrived. Fay helped me get all my stuff together, including birthing ball, music and two flasks of nettle and raspberry tea.
Don then came downstairs to meet the midwife and Fay, (they hadn’t met beforehand). Then we left for the hospital.
The journey to the hospital took about 5 minutes, although it seemed a lot longer as the contractions were getting very intense. Fay came in the car with us, and I told her I was worried about losing control and being put on my back on a delivery bed, she assured me she would help me to stay as mobile as possible. Once at the hospital I started to feel quite depressed and very scared about how things were going to plan out, I had so many worries going around in my head but despite everything l was able to keep calm. I was determined that I was going to have a natural birth!
I had agreed to be strapped to a monitor providing that l could keep active. At the time I felt like the monitor was a better option than being jabbed at with the doppler every 5 seconds! Fay dimmed the lights, and, once all strapped up I got back on the birthing ball, bouncing away like a crazy thing. Don adopted the same position he had when l was in labour with Grace, sat far away from me with his head down. I wanted him to do something but I didn’t know what. It was at the point when Fay took out a bottle of oil from her bag, went over to Don placed oil in his hands and suggested that he stood behind me and rubbed it into my neck and that if I needed to, lean back against Don.
It was like Fay had read my mind!! she had gently brought him over to me and found him a comfortable place to be for both of us.
Not only was Fay doing a wonderful job taking care of me but she found the time to reassure Don and ensure that he took an active part in Aran’s birth.
After a short space of time, I began to feel the need to push. The midwife ask me how I wanted to birth (or something along though lines) I looked around the tiny torture chamber of a room (ignorantly named labour suite) and felt my option were limited to the bed, the one place I didn’t want to be!
I felt resigned to the fact I would have to get on the bed but Fay ensured this wasn’t going to happen and asked for other options, it was at this point a bean bag was produce so I lay across the bean bag, on all fours with my knees on a mat, with Don rubbing my back just in the right spot and Fay straw feeding my raspberry and nettle tea. The hospital floor wasn’t ideal, the bean bag could have been better but I was still able to sustain a good emotional and physical state.
I did have a strange moment (I must have been in transition) when I had spotted a gas bottle, I lifted my head in order to ask for it (|even though l didn’t want it ) but as I was about to do so , Fay offered me the straw so I had a drink of raspberry leaf tea instead. Just what I need, Fay again must have read my mind!
Although the pain was quite intense, l knew l was able to manage without the assistance of any pain relief. I concentrated on the reasons for the pain rather than on the pain itself. I simply let myself go with the flow, l had every confidence in my ability to birth my baby calmly and naturally, despite the surrounds and all the hospital noises going on around me.
After which seemed a long time I felt the head pop out, It felt like the biggest head I had ever birthed! I ask Don if the baby had a big head, he replied quite big with lots of hair!
I was aware that someone else had entered the room, it was the doctor .She stood by the baby unit thing, waiting to receive my baby. Fay protected me from what was going on by gently placing her hands over my ears to help me focus on giving birth.
It seemed a long time before the rest of his body appeared. The one thing I had hoped for at the moment of birth was for my baby not to cry but due to the circumstances it became the thing I most wanted to happen. It was the greatest relief to hear him cry as it got rid of the doctor and we were able to proceed with our birth plan. It’s a boy!!! Don announced. I moved over on to my back with the help from Fay and Don in order to greet my baby for the first time. He was beautiful and with lots of hair. Don Placed Aran directly on my chest and he latched on to feed straight away. An experience I had never had before - it was purely magical. Once the cord had stopped pulsating, Don cut the cord and we just lay there for as long as we needed. Fay started giving me the herbal remedy I had been prescribed by a medical herbalist to help prevent hemorrhage… I had experienced a PPH with my 3rd baby so this was something to watch for this time, however my blood loss was only 200mls so I was able to have a natural third stage, something I didn’t think I would be able to achieve. After an hour however my placenta still hadn’t emerged, and the doctors were waiting outside the room wanting to come in and ‘make suggestions.’ Fay and the midwife then encouraged me to try moving into different positions to get the placenta moving naturally, eventually after another 15 minutes, I stood up, gave a push and it fell onto the floor!
I could have cried and then cried again when I discovering that I didn’t need any stitches, it was the icing on the cake!!!! (I had always had stitches before)
Aran was sleeping in Dons arms and I went and had a bath, Fay went to ask for some tea and toast, and then said she was going to give us private time, but she’d be just outside if we needed her.
After a while the pediatrician came to check Aran and put on the cord ring which I wanted used instead of the clamp. she had a few problems working out how to do it, but eventually got there!
Don went home to pick up the baby seat, and Fay stayed with me while we waited for him to come back… then we went home, 6 hours after birth!